


#ScareMeDaddy

by GlitterCake20



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU, Beacon Hills Police are idiots, Halloween, Humor, Killer Clown, Liam has no chill, M/M, Mason is done with his friend, Social Media, Thirst Tweeting, not a daddy kink fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 09:31:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16472990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterCake20/pseuds/GlitterCake20
Summary: A rumoured 'Killer Clown' is on the loose in Beacon Hills and Liam's thirst far outwieghs his need to survive.





	#ScareMeDaddy

**Author's Note:**

> Cracky.

Liam’s sprawled on his back in Mason’s arm chair - halfway through a bag of trick or treat Reeses he wrestled off a four-year-old – when the first report comes in.

_Killer Clown roams the streets of Beacon Hills._

A what now? He looks at Mason. Mason stares back. “Did she say _clown_?”

Liam shrugs, “Huh. Impeccable timing.”

“For what? Murder?” Mason asks, voice kind of high.

“Well it’s Halloween, so…”

“No.”

Mason goes to lock the door and Liam goes to Twitter. There’s a couple of reports about clown sightings, they all look super fake to him, there’s no way an actual clown is walking around Beacon Hill killing people right?

He finds a tweet from Beacon News with a picture of the said clown attached. Dude's _built,_ nice broad shoulders and thick thighs. It shouldn’t but his dick twitches a little. Bet he can bounce around real nice on those thighs. The miniscule, logical part of his brain tells him this is an incredibly unhealthy thing to think, the nasty part of his brain (coincidentally the most dominant) calls the miniscule part a pussy and tells it to shut up. It cowers in a corner.

The clown’s got a nifty looking Victorian coat on, or whatever the fuck era that is, and his face was obviously painted by a professional with curly, creepy looking black and white paint that makes it look like he’s favourite meal is intestine. On top of that he’s got one glowing red eye and the other seems blind, or maybe he forgot the contact. Hell, maybe he’s on this rampage because someone stabbed him in the eye and he can’t see. Liam would be mad too.

But overall this killer clown is _hot!_ And dangerous. Which obviously has Liam’s hormones going WILD. He’s never been big on self-preservation. “He’s hot.” He says and taps around on his phone.

Mason gives him that look, fitting two peanut butter cups in his mouth, “Whoo boy. I really hope you’re talking about the arresting officer, Liam, I swear…”

“The clown, Mason. Look.” He turns the phone so his friend can see but Mason’s just shaking his head with so much vigour it might pop the fuck off.

Seconds after that Mason’s phone pings with the notification that @DunDunBaby has tweeted. “Ah man, Liam, really dude???”

Liam smirks at his own tweet:

> **_@Beacon Hills News:_ **
> 
> **_Killer clown has Beacon Hills running scared._ **
> 
>  
> 
> **_@DunDunBaby:_ **
> 
> **_I’m just here like… Scare me daddy!_ **

“You’re gonna get fucking murdered, you know that. One day someone is gonna step right the fuck up and murder you and I’m not gonna do a thing to stop it.” Mason hurls the Reeses at him, individually so it hurts in more places.

“Ow! Well, if it’s this dude then hell yeah, don’t stop the murder please.” He proceeds to stuff his mouth with chocolate, so he doesn’t need to defend his thought process any further.

Mason looks so, so done.

* * *

 

A week later another report comes in on Beacon News, (yeah, he’s got their notifications on now, apparently hot clown murderers are a great reason to start being an avid news follower, when previously you couldn’t care less) Liam jumps to attention in the middle of class:

> **_@Beacon Hills News_ **
> 
> **_Killer Clown evades police once again, escapes through back door._ **

Together with a three second clip of Killer Clown bailing through someone’s yard. _That assss though._

He checks that Mrs. I-like-to-grab-phones-that-don’t-belong-to-me, isn’t looking and quickly taps out a reply.

“No!” Mason’s angry, hoarse whisper comes from behind and a Bio textbook hits him flat in the back, “No!!”

“Oh yesss.” he whispers back and hits post.

> **_@ DunDunBaby_ **
> 
> **_He can use my back door any day all day._ **

Mason drops his head on the desk and groans.

That afternoon, for good measure, he takes a grey sweatpants selfie after gym and tweets it. Just in case clown daddy has Twitter.

He flops down on his bed and stares aimlessly at his homework none of that's getting done today obviously. He drifts off minutes later only to be woken up by his phone buzzing. It’s Beacon News again saying Killer Clown was apprehended and taken into custody. He’s instantly disappointed but hopes that maybe now there will be more photos of the dude to thirst over. Mug shots or whatever.

Not long after that there’s another tweet from them.

> **_@Beacon Hills News:_ **
> 
> **_Anyone who sees this man is advised to contact authorities immediately._ **

Photos! Liam thinks and taps the OG tweet and holy fucking shit! It’s the clown himself and he does in fact have Twitter. There’s a close up of his face (his really, really ridiculously pretty face even beneath all the clown make up) and the caption from @YaBoi saying “Wrong clown motherfuckers!”

That’s the dumbest thing to do. He should have just left the cops to take the other guy in and used it as his escape. He’s back on their radar now the idiot. Liam totally relates to this level of crazy, dick twitching again.

He likes the tweet, and retweets and saves the photo. Liam wants this fucking clown, he’s obviously not a real murderer. There’s been no actual reports of murders it’s all just been speculation and yeah, it’s creepy but creepy ain’t no crime.

Mason texts him.

**_From Mason:_ **

_What the fuck are you doing?????_

**_To Mason:_ **

_#scaremedaddy is trending!_

**_From Mason:_ **

_Wtffffffffff_

**_To Mason:_ **

_Gonna DM him_

**_From Mason:_ **

_NO! donut!!!_

**_To Mason:_ **

_Hahahahahah loser_

He sends a string of doughnut emojis and ignores Mason for the rest of the night while hoping Killer Clown notices him. Feels like a crush on a celeb to be honest, he wants this dude’s attention.

* * *

 

The next few days are full of reports from people saying they’ve seen Killer Clown at their gym, that he buys groceries at their Walmart, some say he works for the local funfair which leads to the place getting raided but no sign of Killer Clown. All reports are deemed as false by @Beacon Hills News and they advise that should a report be substantiated they will notify the public immediately and to please stop calling in pranks that he’s under someone’s bed.

It’s not until late Friday afternoon that a confirmed sighting comes in.

> **_@Beacon Hills News:_ **
> 
> **_Killer Clown seen sitting on supermarket rooftop._ **

The picture shows him on the edge of the roof, legs dangling off and he’s leaning back, pouring what looks like Bourbon down his throat. Not a single fuck given. And again Liam notices his damn thighs. He can dropkick Liam into another sphere and he’d thank him.

Mason calls him, and he puts it on speaker because who dares phone someone in this day and age, he’s busy tweeting for fuck sake. Apparently that’s exactly why Mason’s phoning him.

_“Liam, I beg you. Don’t.”_

“Don’t what?” he asks while typing out yet another reply to Beacon News and this time tagging @YaBoi’s handle because that’s who he is as a person, evidently. Trash.

 _“Stop thirst tweeting the goddamn vigilante Liam!”_ Mason yelps and Liam’s got to laugh at how exasperated he sounds.

“Stop freaking out.” He says finishing the tweet.

> **_@DunDunBaby:_ **
> 
> **_SIT. ON. MY. FACE instead @YaBoi_ **

Liam smiles all satisfied and proud of his nastiness. Mason lets out a shuddering sigh on the other end and makes sobbing noises, “What’s the matter with you??”

“Fucked if I know.” He says and hangs up.

He spends the rest of the night googling pictures of other clowns to see if they have the same effect on him, but it turns out it’s only this one with the hulk thighs and one red eye. He’s not even embarrassed that he rubs one out while staring at the dude’s pic- the close up one. He sighs and comes all over his phone. Well then. “Hope you felt that, dude. All for you.”

Jesus he needs a life.

* * *

 

“ _Sit on my_... is this dude for real?? He knows I’m a wanted criminal right?”

“Theo, you’re hardly a fucking criminal. You’re a moron who found a paint pallet...”

“Fuck do you know?”

“...and now you’re wanted by the popo for disturbing peace in the neighborhood you fucking cupcake!” Malia delivers a brutal slap to the back of his head.

“Ow!! Hag!”

“Hold still and let me finish the eye. You want it bloody or normal?” She’s fixing his face after a dude tackled him out of nowhere, smudged his face paint then punched him right in the nuts like it’s nothing and ran off. What has become of this world?

“Well it’s gotta be normal genius. I have an image to uphold now, can’t go around looking inconsistent.”

“You know they think you’re a murderer?”

“They are idiots, there’s no body. What the fuck did I murder?!”

“Your self respect maybe?”

“Are you done?”

“No,” Malia’s tongue pokes out the side of her mouth as she curls the little paintbrush all over his face. “What dude were you talking about earlier?”

He then remembers the weird dude that’s been tweeting shit at him, checks his phone again, “I don’t know but he wants to bang.”

Malia’s drops to his eye level and squints, “Bang?? Like fuck you?”

“Well I think he’s hoping I’ll fuck him, but yeah. Calls me daddy.” Theo smirks and clicks on DunDunBaby’s profile and goddamn the dude’s a looker!! “Look at him!” he shoves the pic of Liam in the grey sweats posing in the bathroom like a basic bitch, in front of Malia’s face.

“Yeah it’s a good thing he’s pretty since he’s dumb as shit.”

“WOW! Harsh. How can you say that?”

Another slap to the back of his head, if he was really a killer he’d start with her, he swears to actual God. He’d make her watch too. Yeah, make her watch her own murder… well. Whatever. Not the point.

“He is _tweeting_ a murderer, Theo, he’s lusting after a clown! Literally!” She tosses the makeup aside, “You know what, maybe you two deserve each other, you idiots!”

His phone buzzes just then, another @ from DunDunBaby replying to Beacon News who, probably much to this dork’s delight, made an epic typo in their latest news tweet:

> **_@Beacon Hills News:_ **
> 
> **_Victim manages to lunch Killer Clown in the testicles and gets away unharmed. Says he smells like homemade apple pie and blood._ **
> 
> **_@DunDunBaby:_ **
> 
> **_Yassss LUNCH daddy’s apple balls!!!_ **

Theo cackles out loud, “This guy! I’ma fucking marry him!” he smiles so hard the face paint cracks painfully against his skin. He should reply, this could be fun. Crazy dudes have crazy sex, it’s just the way the world works.

He types and Malia judges him silently in the mirror.

> **_@YaBoi:_ **
> 
> **_Lunch is served baby boy, eat up @DunDunBaby_ **

And because he has zero ounces of shame he attaches a photos of him cupping his balls with his hand that’s still painted white. Maybe freak boy has a hand kink too, as well as a serial killer kink. He’s actually not sure if he’s turned on or scared, but fuck it right?

* * *

 

“Oh my fucking god!!! Oh god!!!” Liam makes the noise equivalent of asdfghjk! and yanks so hard on Mason’s sleeve he nearly tumbles off the bed.

 “Jesus! What??”

“He tweeted me!!” Liam makes an awe-face, “Told me to eat his dick. How romantic.”

“He did what??” Mason grabs his phone and checks the tweet. He grimaces, tossing it back, it lands on Liam’s stomach with dull whap. “Gross.”

Mason has evidently given up on him, just thrown in the towel and left him to his own devices. Liam will probably fucking die but he hopes it’s because he chokes on Killer Clown’s dick and not because he gets chopped into pieces and left on the side of the highway. Up side is the guy won't need a massive suitcase since Liam is pretty small.

So naturally the next step is to DM Killer Clown,obviously, and start some shit up. The guy can’t possibly really be a serial killer, if he is, he sucks at it.

 _‘I wanna ride that dick off into the sunset.’_ he types and sends. Someone of higher caliber integrity would have regretted sending that almost immediately, but not Liam.

 _‘I’m gonna kill you.’_ comes the reply.

_‘You gonna let me blow you first?’_

_‘Jesus kid. You serious?’_

_‘As a fucking axe wound.’_

He gets a message with Killer Clown’s location - it’s under a bridge. No damn surprise there.

 _‘You’re fucking crazy you know that right?’_ the clown types back and then adds four heart eye emojis after it. Yup. This is The One, Liam thinks, shrugging the blankets off himself before heading to his closet. He’s not entirely sure what you wear to go get your face fucked but he settles for a comfy pair of jeans and a blue t-shirt that Mason says makes his eyes pop. He wants all sorts of things popping tonight goddamn!!

“Excuse me… where the hell are you going?” Mason only then notices Liam’s not next to him and he’s got that determined judgy look on his face, the kind that looks like it’s about to suck all the fun out of the night.

“Out.” he says simply.

“It’s ten at night Liam.”

“Yeah? And? I’m not about to spend my Friday night in bed cuddling my best friend and losing at x-box.” he throws on a leather jacket too, it always gets him some looks.

“At least you can admit that last part huh.” Mason resigns back to the bed and shoots at Liam’s character.

He looks at his friend. Really looks at him and thinks about how much he loves the dude even if he gets on his nerves sometimes and like this might be the last time he sees him because he’s about to go get some killer dick (literally) and Mason will always remember the last thing Liam called him was a cockalorum. (Mason had to look up what it meant before he could get angry. It was awesome!)

“Hey. Love you bro.”

Mason pulls a face at him, “Okay weirdo.” he doesn't look away from the screen since his character is on a super important quest. Liam understands, he's a good friend like that.

“My x-box and porn stash is yours if anything ever happens to me. Tell my mom I'm sorry about all the, uh… tissues under my bed.” Liam says and then grabs his cellphone and heads out.

“Huh? Oh no! LIAM! Get back!!!

Liam starts running.

“You're gonna fuck the clown aren't you!!!??? LIAM!!!!”

He hears Mason fall off the bed in his haste to get to him and then he laughs because he's out of the house and on his way to dick town!!

* * *

So, okay, the bridge thing is really fucking creepy. It's dark and it smells bad and there's gunk under his shoes.  No sight of the clown yet.

“Uh, yo it's the dude from Twitter.” he yells out into the tunnel entrance, his voice echoes down.

 “I can’t decide if you’re brave or stupid.” A deep, hoarse, boner inducing voice says from behind him. When he spins around Killer Clown’s standing against a tree, one leg kicked back. Liam’s stomach does a stupid thing he’s never felt before as he takes small steps toward him and his red coat and freaky face.

“Oh. Both. Definitely both.” He says.

“You seem very sure that I’m not gonna rip your head off DunDunBaby.”

“Yeah well, one of your victims punched you in the nuts. I think I’m good.” He glances up at the dude who is now smirking at him with that clown face, and shit, Liam wants to lick it he’s so pretty. “My name’s Liam by the way.”

“Uh huh. And you can keep calling me daddy.”

Liam’s standing toe to toe with the guy now, and he really does smell like apples pie and other baked goods, also a little bit like cheap paint. Killer Clown is only a few inches taller than him and up close he’s ever better looking than on the pictures, he’s got really nice full and soft looking lips too.

“So, you only talk big games or what Liam?” the clown says and unbuttons his red coat with one hand, revealing a nice firm chest beneath.

Liam doesn’t hesitate, he leans up and presses their mouths together, soft and wet. He kind of loses it a little when the guy’s huge arms snake around his middle and pulls him closer, thighs caging him in. And like, in the back of his mind, that cowering logical part keeps telling him this is his last moments, that he’s about to die. But the horny part wins again and makes him grind his dick into the clown’s leg.

“Oh god…” clown dude pulls away, kneading fingers into Liam’s hips, eyes closed, “Theo. My name is Theo.”

Liam starts tugging at his belt, and Theo goes for his jacket, shrugging it off, “Yeah. Still gonna call you daddy.” Liam says, mouth now lapping down Theo’s neck.

Theo tweaks over his nipples and pinches them through the shirt, then slides his hands down to Liam’s ass, squeezing and tugging down on the loops. Their breaths get hot and heavy and their dicks harder. Liam thinks it’s pretty much heaven right now, there’s even bright blue lights in peripheral vision and trumpet sounds….

“Oh shit!!!!” Theo yells and pushes him off, “Run!!!”

He realises to his dismay that the bright blue lights are those of about four cop cars surrounding them. And there are no trumpets, it’s a police siren. _Shit!_ Mason’s going to kill him!

The tall deputy, Parrish, is already by his side, judging, so it’s way too late for him to run but he doesn’t regret a thing. That was one smoking hot kiss and one thick dick against his thigh.

He watches his ex’s sister tackle Theo With The Thick Thighs into the ground, they roll a few times until she straddles over his back, twisting his arms up before slapping on the cuffs. The crazy fucker is grinning, chin digging into the grass. Liam fucking loves him.

They keep a lingering gaze, smiling like fools while their rights are read to them. Liam’s not really sure why _he’s_ being arrested, maybe for pure stupidity, who knows.

“Hey! Wait for me DunDunBaby!!” Theo calls from the cop car where his face is pressed to the hood of it. Liam bets he loves being face down and cuffed, probably still has a boner, the freak.

Deputy Parrish hauls Liam away and he turns to Theo as much as he can with his hands behind his back.

“Raw me in the sewers when you get out daddy!!”

 

* * *

 

**_@Beacon Hills News:_ **

**_Beacon County profusely apologises to teen’s parents after falsely arresting boy for murder._ **

 

**_Also @Beacon Hills News:_ **

**_Freddy Krueger impersonator arrested. Claims it’s “Halloween Costume”_ **

 

**_@YaBoi:_ **

**_Daddy’s home! @DunDunBaby_ **

 

**_@DunDunBaby:_ **

**_Waiting in the pool for that clown dick. #iwannafloattoo #twinklyfe_ **

 

**_@MaseBase_ **

**_I need a new bff yall, this one mad as shit. Applications open._ **

 

 **_@Pennywise_ ** _attaching a pic of a sewer entrance:_

**_@MaseBase, I got friends down here homie._ **

 


End file.
